Today the embargo officially ends,
and that one famous shinobi is getting a mission!
Last night a group of rogue ninjas stole a scroll containing forbidden jutsu.
You are to secretly infiltrate their hideout and retrieve the scroll.
So this is the team?
I gathered you all specifically for this mission.
The former ANBU Black Ops, Sai, will lead,
backed by Neji's Byakugan,
and Tenten's stealth weapons to form the three-man cell.
Come on, Tonton, you can hold it.
M-My eyes!
Neji!
M-M-My eyes!
Neji!
It appears we've got a man down.
Oh well...
The only other available shinobi is...
Yamato Gets a Mission!
All right, I'm burning with energy!
Of course you'd focus on the clothing.
With this ANBU Black Ops outfit, I can vanish into thin air,
like a fart in the wind!
It's just your imagination.
You stand out, whatever the situation.
Yeah, the most important thing...
...for a black ops agent is to be undetectable.
For those who don't know,
ANBU's full name is the Special Assassination and Tactical Squad.
They perform extremely difficult assassination and espionage missions.
Hidden behind their masks, they protect the village from the shadows.
Kakashi Sensei and Captain Yamato were once ANBU Black Ops members.
It's fine. I just need to wear the mask.
See?
It could not be more obvious who you are.
Lee, let's get one thing clear before we start the mission.
Come to think of it, we've done a lot of crazy stuff with Sai,
but this is our first time on a mission with him.
People tell me he's a first-rate ninja.
I've been wanting to ask this for a long time.
One Question
Do you even have a wiener?
I do.
You don't need to answer that!
Nuh-uh!
Gasp!
We're really sorry!
To all our viewers, our sincerest apologies!
Sai, say you're sorry.
Th-This is...
without a doubt, the Leaf's Beautiful Green Wild Beast!
Stop admiring!
What was the point of that?
Sorry, I was just worried.
Anyways, Yamato's going to rendezvous with us when he finishes his mission,
so I think we'll be all right.
At any rate, I've gotta make sure not to be a burden on Sai.
That reminds me, I never gave you nicknames.
I mean, we're finally on a mission together,
I think it will make things easier.
Aw, that's sweet, Sai.
How about this?
"Meatball-Head Hag" and "Turd Eyebrow Spastic Mental Patient."
Insults?!
Mine's so long!
I'm sorry. Remember that while in the Foundation,
I underwent special training to completely kill my emotions.
Oh yeah, that's a really brutal division that places success above all else.
Until recently, I didn't understand what friends were.
Sai...
You've been through a lot.
But don't fret!
Let's have a big warm group hug!
He was so freaked he used a jutsu to escape!
We're comrades from the same village, aren't we?
I... guess...
I understand.
I'll earn your friendship by proving myself to you on this mission.
Oh boy, I smell trouble...
Down there.
That's their hideout.
It's pretty small.
That little house is a facade.
The real hideout is...
Nice artwork.
Leave me alone!
Why must you always comment on everything?!
The real hideout's probably underground.
I'm sorry!
I expect the scroll is there, too.
Let's move.
Well, we're in.
But where's the scroll?
I'll search for it with my jutsu.
Ninja Art, Super Beast Scroll!
Wow, the animals he drew came to life!
I can help, too!
You can not. That's Sai's jutsu!
If I do this...
Then whatever I draw becomes part of the jutsu.
That's your trick?
Ninja Art, Super Beast Scroll!
What the heck?! This is weird!
Guychu!
They're coming after me!
I have to do something!
That's your trick?!
Quit copying me!
Ninja Art, Super Beast Scroll!
How lovely.
And... they're surprisingly...
...strong.
I think I heard something.
Oh no, it's the enemy!
Leave them to me.
Who goes there?!
Oden
It's...
I used a wood-style move like Captain Yamato.
Why would there be an oden stand here? You'll blow our—
Oh, it's just an oden stand.
It worked?
Wait, isn't it weird for an oden stand to be down here?
Yeah...
I knew it, they suspect us!
Only one option now.
No, we're forbidden—
Giant Mecha Tenzone!
That's just a poor-man's Yamato!
But a boring character like Captain Yamato won't draw any attention.
That thing will draw everyone's attention!
That's...
Oh, it's just a giant mecha.
Wait, I'm not falling for that!
Intruders!
I told you so.
We'll have to fight.
Ninja Art, Super Beast Scroll!
Nice work.
I'm almost out of ink, though.
I can't afford to use any in battle again.
Lee, this is your fault for wasting it.
I'm sorry!
Let's interrogate them about the scroll.
Like we're gonna talk.
If Yamato were here right now...
I'm not above using fear to control people.
He'd do this.
Stop... Please stop!
No, please!
Got it!
Good, now we just need to escape and the mission will be a success.
Guess you didn't need our help after all.
S-Sure he did!
I'll assist Sai, no matter what it takes!
Lee, don't open that!
Trap
It's a trap?
The scroll's a fake!
Lee!
You guys okay?
The others got away.
That was close.
If we hadn't found out the scroll was a trap, we might've all been caught.
But what about Lee?
Discard your comrades.
Kill your feelings.
That is how we operate.
What do you think?
Got it!
The real scroll's safe.
Good.
Hey, eyebrows.
Tell us where your pals are and we'll let you live.
Not a bad deal, eh?
I refuse. I'd never sell out my friends!
Oh yeah?
Fair enough. Then die!
Guys?!
Get out of here!
Sorry, Sai's orders.
What do you think? We rescue him!
I don't really understand it myself.
But you two have already helped me.
You tried to form a relationship with me.
So I won't leave you!
We're comrades, after all!
Sai...
It's nice, making new friends.
Take 'em all out!
Right!
Lee, I'm out of ink.
I need your help!
You got it!
Then let's go!
Super Brows Scroll!
What a crazy combination...
Retrieval complete.
Gross.
Oh no, you don't—
What's this?
It's you?
Yamato!
Grab on! I'll get us out of here!
Was there no other way out?!
Yup, this is it.
You all did an excellent job.
I didn't think we were gonna make it this time...
You really saved me back there.
Of course. We're friends, aren't we?
Hey!
Looks like you guys finished the mission safe and sound!
Oh, Neji.
M-My eyes!
My eyes...
Poor Neji, always caught in the splash damage...
Today...
The Leaf Village will face a crisis unlike anything it's ever seen.
Oh, it's Mr. Teuchi.
What're you doing over—
Crush... you...
I'll crush you!
Settle down, pops!
Crush us? What's wrong with him?
The Leaf...
Until there's nothing but dust...
I'll crush the Leaf!
Leaf Village of the Dead!
S-Stop it!
S-Stay back!
No escape...
Stop!
Stay away!
No, no, no!
It's getting more and more people...
What's going on?
You're all too late.
I can't believe it's working.
Lord Orochimaru, shouldn't you crush the Leaf Village for real?
It's too hot today. I can't think of any evil schemes.
Kabuto, more tea.
Sheesh. If every shinobi in the Leaf were like you...
Where's my tea?
We could destroy the village with our eyes closed!
What did you say?!
I see...
A virus that will cause the infected to turn into Lord Orochimaru...
I never would've thought of that.
I'd forgotten for the first forty-seven episodes,
but I'm actually a genius!
And with the series being almost over,
the virus is working better than even I expected!
I'm the best!
The Leaf will fall today!
It's locked!
Freeze.
You can't escape us.
What do we do? We've got nowhere to run!
Let's see some tears.
Someone save us!
Quick, in here.
Get inside!
Lady Tsunade!
That'll buy us some time.
Lady Tsunade, you saved us.
What happened?
I've got an idea.
I'm positive Orochimaru is behind this.
Of course...
He's turned his DNA into a highly contagious virus.
Byakugan!
Good God...
The infected start writing and slithering,
and start complaining loudly about their grudges.
Eventually they become nitpicky,
lazy ninjas who can't even do their job properly.
In other words, they become Orochimaru!
It's the end of the world!
Then there's nothing we can do?
Don't be ridiculous.
Who the heck do you think I am?
Come with me.
What's this?
Sakura?
Shizune's here, too.
It's too dangerous to be that close to an Oro-zombie!
Don't worry.
From what I've seen so far,
it’s only men that turn into Oro-zombies.
No women have caught the virus yet.
I and my crack team of female staffers are researching a cue,
we'll have things back to normal in no time!
Leave it to Lady Tsunade to notice such an important detail.
Yeah, she knows her stuff!
Yeah!
Besides, none of Orochimaru's schemes have ever succeeded anyway!
What a relief!
Why have you stopped collecting data?
Do your jobs!
No...
Our job is to obliterate the Hidden Leaf Village!
What?!
I see you...
What happened? She said women couldn't get infected!
We're in danger.
Come on, Tenten!
You won't escape.
Idiots.
I know the virus's deficiencies better than anyone.
I don't understand.
I used a little trick.
As viruses spread from host to host, they mutate a bit each time.
My virus is no different.
I'm a different man this week.
And this is your punishment for underestimating my genius, Tsunade.
Lord Orochimaru hasn't been able to get his act together all year.
At this rate, the series is going to end!
Dear viewers, next week you'll find a new show.
Naruto Spin-Off: Orochimaru's Amazing Adventures (working title)!
We've only got three more episodes left, Lord Orochimaru.
Seriously?
Guy Sensei and Kakashi Sensei, too...
We're surrounded.
And if we try to fight them, we're bound to get infected.
This can't be real. It can't end like this!
There is one person who can turn this situation around.
Who, me?
Try to remember.
Think of your long, storied history of cross-dressing.
I'd rather it end up in the dustbin of history.
No, you have to face it.
We're on the ropes, and this is the only strategy we...
...can use to make a comeback.
Huh?
The virus is unstoppable, it's true.
It infects men and women alike.
But you, who in your heart of hearts,
are a true, dyed-in-the-wool cross-dresser, are neither!
Only you can be immune!
I don't do it because I want to—
He's got a point.
Orochimaru and cross-dressing basically go hand in hand.
You, too?
Other...
Otherwise there'll be no one left who can fight.
We'll all be finished...
Neji...
I understand.
If my actions can save the village, so be it.
I'll crush you both.
After that big speech, he got infected in an instant!
Impossible, I don't believe it!
Now what? We're next!
I know!
Too late.
You've done it, Lord Orochimaru!
Yes, my perseverance has paid off.
My dream of crushing the Leaf is coming true!
Crush... Crush...
With this many minions on my side, crushing the Leaf will be a cakewalk.
Come with me, everyone, and we'll destroy this place!
Hey, doing this alone is embarrassing!
C'mon, everyone! Get going!
Well, if it isn't Lee.
You lost, you loser.
Now give into your desires and help me crush the Leaf!
Shut up!
What the—
I'll crush... I'll crush my quads!
What will crushing your quads do for me?!
Even after being turned into me, you're still useless!
What's wrong?
It's not just him, look!
I'm gonna crush this jug of sake.
I'll crush this accursed cellulite!
I'll crush Akamaru's fleas!
What happened?
You said it yourself...
As viruses spread from host to host, they mutate a bit each time.
My virus is no different.
Then this is a mutation?
The sentiments to "crush" remained,
but the target changed to match their personalities!
I'll crush this bubble wrap.
I'll crush the pimples on my butt.
I'll crush the yakitori stand!
I'll crush the black levels!
I'll crush the writers who won't let me talk!
Well, who cares?
If I leave the village in this state, it will collapse regardless!
I win anyway!
What are you doing, Kabuto?!
Crush...
You, too?
Wait, crush what?
For subjecting me to a year... of embarrassment... and humiliation...
Lord Orochimaru...
I'll crush you!
Don't do this, Kabuto!
Things finally worked out for us.
Enough, now.
I'll crush your...
...Orochiwiener.
H-Hey, no fair! That's an illegal move!
Anything but that!
Remember folks, if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.
I'll crush you!
Um, Lord Orochimaru,
Next week is "White Day, Destroyer of Alliances!"
White Day, Destroyer of Alliances! Take Care of the Princess Dolls!
and "Take Care of the Princess Dolls!"
I'm really sorry about earlier.
It's fine. Now I know how you really feel.
Lord Orochimaru...
I'm just a slightly-pitiable character,
whose schemes are always doomed to failure,
hated equally by Lee and his pals,
and my own subordinate!
I can't say you're wrong—
I'll crush this stupid show!